I would say "Captain's Log" but it's still taken...

Eeek, never ask me for help with problems like that. I'm a bridge burner, lol. If you are a total douche to me, I have no problem completely burning the bridges between us making it impossible for us to ever be friends again. Though, I also have my own ways to deal with strong, jerky personalities, but that also requires a lot of dominance over them, which kind of sucks, lol, especially when you don't like to dominate others.

Though, actually, I have also been known to apologize when nothing was my fault just to fix a situation...I guess it all depends on my mood. I would tell you to just apologize, even though it wasn't your fault, but with someone complaining over money like that and shit, I don't know if that would work, nor if you should apologize, because of the fact.

I say you just punch him in the face (mentally)!

It's been a while since I last posted. Things have been alright for the most part.

I jammed with Zach again which was nice. I may become the lead guitarist for a local band that some friends of mine are in, which would be cool because they are established in the the Portland music scene, they play shows and are working on their second CD.

I might lose my job which kinda sucks...I was working the register one day and at the end of my shift we counted my till and I was somehow missing 20 dollars. I know it wasn't my fault, my till is always good, and I always recount money before I put it in the drawer or give change. I had to do like 2 cash pickups and get change from a manager so maybe something went wrong there I dunno....But now I'm on suspension until they find the missing morney or decide it can't be found and fire me...It's been over a week and no word.

But thats not my main issue right now, I'm kinda depressed right now...It started with a dream I had last night, but to understand why the dream was important I'll have to give a little backstory.

So my sophomore year in high school there was this girl, Caitlin. I was head over heels crazy about this girl. Every day I hung out with her at lunch, or durring assemblies, every chance I had. She was beautiful, kind, christian (which lead to a few arguments here and there, but overall not an issue). Unfortunately we were a prime examble of, "he likes her, but she thinks of him as a friend" something I found out when Alex (before we started dating tried to hook me up with Caitlin) told me that Caitlin thought of me like a brother (owch).

After sophomore year she moved away. I talked to her a couple times, an email, then a phonecall a few months into junior year, but even then I couldn't work up the courage to tell her how I felt. That was the last time I spoke with her. I've moved on with my life of course, I'm with Alex now and I love her. But for some reason, at some point my mind inevitably wanders back to Caitlin. It's strange, nothing happened between me and her, and yet I can't ever shake her completely from my mind. I can go months and months without thinking about her, but at some point she pops into my mind.

Anyways. So I had this dream last night. Caitlin came back into town from where she lives to visit me. We had a fun time, we hung out, caught up, it was great. Then that night, when we were in the car taking her home (at the start it was my mom driving, then it turned into my friend mike...dream logic...) we started cuddling in the back seat, a blanket around us. I told her how I felt about her, and how I regretted not saying it before, and we kissed. And that was it.

Nothing hugely monumental, but ever since then I can't stop thinking about her. Now I love Alex and I have no intention of leaving her or anything like that, our relationship is great. But right now, I miss Caitlin. I want to see her, I want to talk to her. I've tried finding her on myspace and facebook multiple times, but so far no luck. I have no phone number, I have an email address, but I don't think she's used it in a long time, and no way of reaching/finding her otherwise.

This sucks, though I guess eventually she'll fade away from my mind for a time being, though I know at some point she'll be back.

Shit, I sound so emo right now...

Sir Auron wrote:

I might lost my job which kinda sucks...I was working the register one day and at the end of my shift we counted my till and I was somehow missing 20 dollars. I know it wasn't my fault, my till is always good, and I always recount money before I put it in the drawer or give change. I had to do like 2 cash pickups and get change from a manager so maybe something went wrong there I dunno....But now I'm on suspension until they find the missing money or decide it can't be found and fire me...It's been over a week and no word.

But thats not my main issue right now, I'm kinda depressed right now...It started with a dream I had last night, but to understand why the dream was important I'll have to give a little backstory.

So my sophomore year in high school there was this girl, Caitlin. I was head over heels crazy about this girl. Every day I hung out with her at lunch, or durring assemblies, every chance I had. She was beautiful, kind, christian (which lead to a few arguments here and there, but overall not an issue). Unfortunately we were a prime examble of, "he likes her, but she thinks of him as a friend" something I found out when Alex (before we started dating tried to hook me up with Caitlin) told me that Caitlin thought of me like a brother (owch).

After sophomore year she moved away. I talked to her a couple times, an email, then a phonecall a few months into junior year, but even then I couldn't work up the courage to tell her how I felt. That was the last time I spoke with her. I've moved on with my life of course, I'm with Alex now and I love her. But for some reason, at some point my mind inevitably wanders back to Caitlin. It's strange, nothing happened between me and her, and yet I can't ever shake her completely from my mind. I can go months and months without thinking about her, but at some point she pops into my mind.

Anyways. So I had this dream last night. Caitlin came back into town from where she lives to visit me. We had a fun time, we hung out, caught up, it was great. Then that night, when we were in the car taking her home (at the start it was my mom driving, then it turned into my friend mike...dream logic...) we started cuddling in the back seat, a blanked around us. I told her how I felt about her, and how I regretted not saying it before, and we kissed. And that was it.

Nothing hugely monumental, but ever since then I can't stop thinking about her. Now I love Alex and I have no intention of leaving her or anything like that, our relationship is great. But right now, I miss Caitlin. I want to see her, I want to talk to her. I've tried finding her on myspace and facebook multiple times, but so far no luck. I have no phone number, I have an email, but I don't think she's used it in a long time, and no way of reaching/finding her otherwise.

This sucks, though I guess eventually she'll fade away from my mind for a time being, though I know at some point she'll be back.

your work seems harsh putting you on suspension because 20 dollars wasn't there, surely they can't fire you for that.

Also i know how you feel theres that one girl that lingers in your mind, just like a girl i know although we became friends but we hardly talk to each other any more yet she still lingers in my mind, also hope your music goes well.

RCpaladin123 wrote:

your work seems harsh putting you on suspension because 20 dollars wasn't there, surely they can't fire you for that.

Also i know how you feel theres that one girl that lingers in your mind, just like a girl i know although we became friends but we hardly talk to each other any more yet she still lingers in my mind, also hope your music goes well.

Yeah, the policy kinda sucks...How it works is, you start with 100 dollars in your drawer, and you end with at least 100 dollars in your drawer, after that whatever's left is profit and goes into the safe. The computer at the register tracks how much money I'm supposed to have. If your 3 dollars or over what you should have, or 3 dollars or lower then what you should have, you get a write up. I've been written up twice before. But since then (it's been a few months now) I've always been extra careful at the register and I always have the exact amount of money I'm supposed to have.

3 write ups and your fired.
Its lame. But whatever.
I need a better job anyways...I was just hopeing I could find one WHILE I have SOME income coming in...

Been a while since my last entry.

Here's the quick version between then and now.

Dollar Tree fired me.

Started a new job last month, much better than dollar tree. I work as a floor operator for a Solar Cell manufacturing plant in town. I help make the blue little squares on solar panels. I work 3 days a week, 4 every other, 12 hours a day, 10 dollars an hour which kicks ass compared to the 8 hours a week and minimum wage (8.40) I was getting at dollar tree.

Its hard work, and long days, but overall I'm diggin' it for the most part.

But I need some advice.
I was informed the other day that I could get a three bedroom apartment with my girlfriend and her mom (she has to live with us, she's a quadriplegic) in a month because one is opening up. This is much earlier than I anticipated. The original plan was that their lease would run out in june and we'd start looking for an apartment then, giving me ample time to save up money and just prepare myself to live with her.

I love her, and I love being around her, when I'm at her house I don't want to go home, but at the same time I enjoy being at home. Not because I enjoy still having my parents take care of me (things like laundry, and food and suck), I can take care of myself just fine. But I'm a very solitary person at home. I more or less live in my bedroom. It's where I watch tv, it's where my computer is, my bed, ect. It's the home inside my home I guess you could say.

I won't necessarily get to be that way when I live with Alex and her mom. And I was hoping to have alot more money saved up before we moved in together. When all is said and done with bills and car insurrance and such, I'll still have like 300 a month left over, which I guess is nothing to complain about... But I was hoping to have all my bases covered with a nice reserve of money for a while (for now I'm putting half of every paycheck into savings)

And beyond that I still have to prepare myself to live with her, its another step towards permanent commitment. It's strange, I've never had an issue with commitment till lately...

I guess it's like this, there is a side of me thats mature, is cool with committing to and living with Alex and all that, but there's also a side of me that I never really got to express much. I've been with Alex since I was 16. I never really had the chance to have mature relationships (or at least a relationship that worked for a while) with anybody else. And not that sex is all I care about, but Alex is the only person I've had sex with. When she was doing her stupid shit with her friends (the cheating and whatnot, and the shit she did while we were apart) she got to do that, sleep around, be stupid and not worry about shit. Not that I want to be a man whore or anything like that, but I never got to do anything remotely like that. I guess it's just the fear of commitment really setting in...

And I'm torn between whether I should move in in a month or wait. If we do it now, we're garenteed an apartment, if we wait there's no garentee that one will be open any time soon, which adds pressure. And even though I'll still make out alright financial wise, there are so many things I want to do that I might not necesarily get to do as much if at all because I won't be able to save up as much money.

Anybody have some words of wisdom? Sorry if I rambled and didn't make alot of sense... I've hella tired and stressed.