N/A

A review on 'Swords of Destiny' PS2.

- First things first, let me start off by saying 'Devil May Cry rip off'. From the white-haired protagonist to the huge sword on his back, this is a game that dearly wants to be DMC. The only things missing are the guns. And he can't turn into a demon. Okay, this is taking what made DMC good and throwing those ideas out of window. Imagine playing through the entirety of DMC using only basic combos and no option of using Devil Trigger. Then, take away all the different enemies you get to fight and throw in about five enemies that occasionally get palette swaps. Welcome to Swords of Destiny! A horrible hack and slash game for the PS2 and one thankfully overlooked by gamers everywhere. Being the curious young soul I am, I picked up a copy from Amazon and only today have been playing through the story. I'm up to Stage 10, and I think it's getting near the ending (I fucking hope it's getting near the ending) so I decided to do a review on it.

Let's go over some good points first. From what I've played, Stages aren't very long and allow you to save after completing one, so it's a good game if you live a hectic lifestyle. You can boot up the PS2, pop in Swords of Destiny, play a stage, save your data and then bugger off to work or to a party or to an orgy or whatever. You are also loaded down with items, so even the most laid back of gamers who isn't that bothered by taking a few hits can relax even more in the knowledge that he can occasionally just pep himself up. The game is also ridiculously simple. Oftentimes, stages can be completed simply by mashing the square button and then walking to the exit.

I can't actually decide if I like the stage designs or not. Granted, there's a lot variety, but in some areas, it's a lot of the same and just leads to a bland and boring experience. For example, this one area (erroneously labelled 'Enter of the Underworld', well done translators clapclap) has a section with teleportation doors. Now, I wandered around this area for just about an hour before I realised that was exactly what they were! I would walk through a door, see the same bland landscape, assume I'd been warped back to an earlier part of the level and then turn round and go back through! Mind you, that's probably my fault for not instantly suspecting something had changed in the level and going off to explore but if you believe that, shut up.

A big part of Swords of Destiny are the three magic swords themselves, called the 'Swords of Yi'. Obtained during the main storyline, these swords can be upgraded through experience in three areas each. Sword Time, Power, and Air. Sword Time is this batshit crazy mode that lasts for about five seconds. When a targeting reticule turns red, bash an enemy to activate it. This then launches enemies into the air, where the protagonist (a talented apprentice. I shall call him Talap) performs instakill attacks on enemies nearby. Then it ends, you drop back to the floor and usually get bum rushed by waiting foes who for whatever reason weren't affected. Improving this stat increases the time ST is eligible for activation. But honestly, I've barely noticed a change. Between level.1 and level.8 it's still just as difficult to activate the blooming thing. Power is basically sword strength. Level it up to increase murder-bility. And Air increases the time spent in ST. Again, no noticeable changes.

Following on from the previous point, some defeated foes often drop weapons. These weapons often have special abilities, like increasing experience, or expanding dash distance. One also turns lost health into Dragon Power, which isn't nearly as impressive as it sounds. DP is basically 'Tap R1 and Talap sends out three shockwaves which do more damage than normal attacks'. Another thing I should probably go over which is of great annoyance to me, is Sealed Doors.

During Talap's quest to save Jailbait (oh, I didn't mention her? She gets kidnapped at the start, you have to save her, also your master dies, it's so cliché that you may as well just mute the game and make up your own story. Mine was about an evil giant turnip named Malcolm who was attempted to turn everyone into fat Italian men called Pedro) you randomly get locked in areas with a group of foes and a floating, flaming statue. This is the 'seal' which you need to destroy to open up the doors and continue on your merry little way. Unfortunately, the only way to break them is through ST and the only way to activate this is by waiting for the targeting reticule to turn red. And the only way for this to happen is to hit an enemy JUST BEFORE IT ATTACKS YOU. Even then, there's little chance of you destroying the damn thing. The camera instantly shoves itself up Talap's arse and the enemy disappears off screen, so you can't see a damn thing. You're then supposed to change the target to the statue, smash it and continue.

~Buuuuut, this is no simple task. Talap seems more preoccupied with his INSATIABLE BLOODTHIRST RAAAAAAGE and decides to target every enemy before the statue so chances are, ST will run out before you've even got Talap focused on the damn thing. I've tried attacking it with normal attacks, but it doesn't seem to work. Maybe it just requires a LOT of hits, but I'm not going to sit around and find out. I've found a ridiculously complicated method and I'm going to complain about it!

I've darted around this point the most, so let's talk about the characters themselves. The protagonist does have a name, but his, like everyone else in the game, is something like Wing Wong or Tau Chi. So I instantly forgot it. I'm not good with English names, so expecting me to remember Chinese ones is like asking Hawkings to scale Everest. Using only his teeth. The protagonist is your typical run of the mill, bright-eyed, bushy-tailed youth who is the top of his class and presumably lusts for adventure. He also sounds like a Power Ranger.

Next up is your master, Giant Wong. Giant gets offed pretty early from Mrs. Evil Antagonist, so Talap makes it his quest to get revenge. Oh, and Obviously The Female Lead, henceforth and previously reffered to as 'Jailbait' gets kidnapped as well, so he does that stereotypical protagonist thing - avenge my master, get me some ass.

The antagonist I quite like. Not because she possesses breasts and wears a bra made for a sixth grader, but because her voice always make me laugh because it is SO BAD. Granted, everyone in the game has a voice actor who was probably force-fed heroin before their mic got turned on, but hers takes the cake. I doubt she's the final boss though. Something's telling me she'll probably join your side, claim she's 'misunderstood' and fill in for Jailbait when she gets offed in a OMFG DID THEY SERIOUSLY JUST DO THAT plot twist. Well, ok, I just want to see her in an amatuer porno flick, coated in honey and...*continues to ramble*

The game also makes a point of telling us of the 'Great And Awesome Hero Who Sodded Off Because We Praised Him Too Much' who was the original owner of the three magic swords. He 'mysteriously disappeared' and I'm willing to bet money he's got something to do with why Jailbait was kidnapped.

Finally, music, graphics and replayability. Music is forgettable and very, very shop floor. You'll probably find yourself humming along to one or two, if you can hear them over the YAH YAH YAH SLICE SLICE SLICE GRAH UNF YAH YAH YAH. Graphics are mostly horrible. Various shades of grey and brown cover the levels, and the cutscenes are pretty forgettable as well. Replayability? Personally, once I'm finished with this game I'm never going back. Well, probably. But only to laugh.

a bra made for a sixth grader? you mean shes wearing a very small bra, or she has really small boobs?

as you can see i am targeting the important issues of the game.

Made for a sixth grader. Her boobs are freaking mahoosive.

I laughed through 60% of that review. It was epic. Made me want to play the game. Porbably not what you were going for, but the review was so good, that even though the review said the game was terribad, the fact that the review of the game was so enjoyable, it makes me want to play the game.

I think you should be paid by makers of terrible games to give them bad reviews that will make people want to play the game, lol.

I'm considering doing a live review of a game, using my webcam. Maybe upload it to YouTube, make it private, show only a few people and then if it's popular, make it public.

And oh god, I think if I play any more terrible games anytime soon I'll have to kill someone. But money is good and I suppose it is just a game...But that's going with the theory the designers know it's bad haha.

And yes! Laughs! It probably blatantly shows, but halfway through the review I decided to stop being serious and just rip the game apart. It'd be great to do reviews like Spoony, which is kind of what I was aiming for during the write-up.

Thanks for all the feedback.

ye its pretty good, feels like the kind of conversation id have with my friends about X game. very... relatable?

I swear to god. This is true.

Just got into a boss fight with Boobs.

Her line: "So you choose death then?"
His comeback: "No. You do!"

This protagonist is fucking incredible. If he can spout off one-liners like that, I feel safe knowing our kingdom will never fall to *kingdom falls to hordes of demons*

Oh for f-

HAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"So, you wish to die!"

"No u!"

"Wait...wha? No me what? I'm just saying you choose death..."

"That's what she said"

"...." *antagonist kills herself*

Is it wrong that the two battles straight after that scene drove me to switch the game off and just put it back on the shelf?

First you fight her, then her boobs turns evil and she transforms into a giant lizard thing. I used half of my items because enemies no longer get stunned as usual and instead like painting the walls with your face.

Plus it's more of the same. I was near the end of the game and it's sodding boring lemme tell ya. Go here, get trapped, fight monsters. There's no reason to. I don't feel like I'm doing anything.

Agriagropolis wrote:

then her boobs turns evil

Evil Boobs. Awesome.

The above post has been approved by Agria, Boobs and Evil Boobs.

Because evil boobs are awesome.

Agriagropolis wrote:

Because evil boobs are awesome.

Quoted for truth.

Ryojin wrote:

Quoted for truth.

Quoted for the sake of learning how to quote with this forum.

Agriagropolis wrote:

The above post has been approved by Agria, Boobs and Evil Boobs.

Because evil boobs are awesome.

Ryojin wrote:

Agriagropolis wrote:

Because evil boobs are awesome.

Quoted for truth.

Agriagropolis wrote:

Ryojin wrote:

Quoted for truth.

Quoted for the sake of learning how to quote with this forum.

Multi-quoted cause I can.

Viper718 wrote:

Agriagropolis wrote:

The above post has been approved by Agria, Boobs and Evil Boobs.

Because evil boobs are awesome.

Ryojin wrote:

Agriagropolis wrote:

Because evil boobs are awesome.

Quoted for truth.

Agriagropolis wrote:

Ryojin wrote:

Quoted for truth.

Quoted for the sake of learning how to quote with this forum.

Multi-quoted cause I can.

Superquotelawl.

Chrono Trigger = Happy Arran.

Hi all! It's James! Is it alright if I..erm...re-join this club?

Agriagropolis wrote:

First you fight her, then her boobs turns evil and she transforms into a giant lizard thing.

Whoa...what...the...living...crap!?!? Now I wanna play this game just to see that crazy crap for myself! Then again, I could probably just grab a view of it on YouTube and not waste money!

My PS3 may have broken down due to overuse (video games, internet, DVD and Blu-rays regularly among other things), but I still have my computer! So that means I can still play games!

I shall add you to the list.

Welcome back.

Aye, glad to be back! Very glad indeed, and thanks!

*awkward silence*

Aries, don't be an ass.

Welcome back James. The club'll probably pick up in the future. I myself have been busy actually playing games rather than coming here and talking about them. Haven't been on much elsewhere actually.

But I did manage to find a thread about the Last Big Secret of Shadow of the Colossus. Don't worry about it though, because it turns out it had already been found a looooong time ago, and Ueda just got confuzzled.

lol, you reminded me, i totally have to download that game.

That also reminded me something:

Hehe, I don't think my computer is good enough to play PS2 games on PCSX2. It always runs at about half speed (give or take 10%) for the most part. A lot of times it's slower, but it's seldom any faster (though it plays perfectly through FMVs, I might add) Though, I don't know for absolute certain if it's my computer or my settings...so I was wondering if I could get some help from you guys.

First off, I've got a Toshiba, Windows Vista 32-bit with an Intel Pentium Dual-Core Inside (2.16 GHz Intel Pentium T3400 processor if that's better or worse to understand) and 3 gigs of RAM. If it's my computer that's the problem, then do I need more RAM or a better processing core or what? I'm a royal noob when it comes to all of this technical stuff...so yeah...

If my computer should be able to run it fine, then could you recommend to me some settings to set up the video plugin please? Or if you think it's a different problem completely, could you please tell me?

Basically I just wanna know if it's possible on my computer to play PS2 games very well at all, and if it is, what settings I should probably have it on.

Thanks!

you gutta get this speed hack thing, i tried playing persona but then just gave up coz i cbf, was a hassle setting up the emulator. but yea, i dont know much but my mate got it working for himself. it speeds it up/skips frames im assuming so it runs more smoother.

bleh talked to a friend, turns out its in the settings somewhere, dl the latest and fiddle with the config i guess, u should be able to run ps2 games tho.

or have a read here:

http://forums.ngemu.com/pcsx2-forum/101343-running-pcsx2-guide-noobs.html

father's back. Everytime I come here, i say i will be more active. But that never seems to work out. Last time it was getting stuff ready for finals. now its looking for a job.

*Will father ever find time to hang out on l-f? find out next time on...*