The L.O.L: The life of (saelilah's real name)

*long drawn out sigh* My first journal posting eh? (that is if i did it right)

So, many of you may see through this as what it really is. So, golden star to you.
which reminds me i Should start posting a lot of my things up so you can all see the kind of stuff i do- and with that said, i should also post things on the Deviant art account my loving one and only has made for me. *mental note*

I'm writing this journal today because i don't know what to do. Or rather, i know what to do just not how to accomplish it; and i can foresee your many helpful responses. But still i must write.

So...I have a one and only, I'm not going to say love or bf because they don't do what i feel justice. Besides the fact that people can so easily slander those precious words. He is what makes me whole.

So you can imagine how crushing it is when things go wrong.

I'm a sensitive type of person, not Extremely, but i do have my moments- and when you add a special blend of long distance its a harsh reality.

99% of the time its miscommunication. But on the rare occasion its just stressful times, and anger comes by too easily, which leads to the Land of regretful words.

This has happened on Wednesday- today being Friday- and i haven't talked to him, nor have i responded to what he's wrote to me since i walked away that day. I have read the email over and over again, and all of his messages.

I'm just feeling really numb- He's feeling extremely sorry, even worse so. Also perhaps I'm feeling like I'd be running back too early if i came back after i received his email.. I tend to do that. I don't want to turn into the bad horrible girlfriend because of this. I'm not staying away because i think its fun.. How do i know when I'm ready to go back? how do i then, explain why i was away without feeling horribly guilty?

It's not even that i need space, so please don't suggest that i tell him i need that, far from it - I just don't know when its safe to look out over the trench line. Peering slowly above the rocks and dirt, hoping my shinny helmet isn't detected.



hows that for opening up to people *slowly backs out of the room*

I'm afraid that we can't give you completely reliable advice here. Only you can determine what to do, what would be the best course of action.

If you don't feel comfortable going back yet, then do not go back yet. If you do, then go. Your 'one and only' should understand either way. It might be tough, but no relationship is easy. The best the both of you can do is try to overcome the problems together. If you can't, then it just isn't meant to be.

But you might not want to listen to me. I've never had a successful relationship with anyone, so what would I know?

Has he done this sort of thing alot or is this like the first time ?

Nothing like writing publicly to reduce the feeling of numbness ne?
-I let him know that i was okay- and not suffering from the bubonic plague, being mauled by a grizzly, or being abducted by three eyed aliens (four if you count the one under their left big toe).

Thank you mr. red eyes sir, and hey, that doesn't mean your not a great observer (O.o) i know a few of those. Thanks for the advice you gave

and L. -We hit a snag here and there, tho..they are easily recoverable. It only gets this bad every once in a blue moon. lets say... When the snag isn't recovered from due to outside stress thus becoming a problem - like pushing a snowball downhill. We'll be okay tho, just writing that out did wonders, Yay for journals!

Ryojin wrote:

If you can't, then it just isn't meant to be.

*kills Ryojin* Everyone has problems *glares corpse down*

Viper718 wrote:

Ryojin wrote:

If you can't, then it just isn't meant to be.

*kills Ryojin* Everyone has problems *glares corpse down*

You can't kill me, I'm already dead.



Everyone has problems, yeah, but if you can't work out those problems, then they will only cause destruction.

I love her, with all my heart, and no matter what hardships may come our way, it will never break us. No matter how hard the jagged blade of life may try and penetrate our armor, their is no notch, or chink, or hole in our armor. Our hearts, and souls are protected by the love we share for each other, and no matter how many miscommunications, or troubled times we may have, we will always push forward, into the new day, a day where we can be happier than the last. It may seem silly, or impossible, or superfluous to those that have never been there for real, that have never truelly loved with every fiber in their being (and I'm not saying this as a bash at anyone, I'm saying this kind of lvoe is hard to find), but it's not something we can give up on. My heart, and my soul can't exist without hers. We have our differences, yes, but it's our similarities that overcome every one of the differences. Our biggest similarity is how much we care for and love each other. I'm not an infallible man. I make mistakes. I have problems, issues. But I won't ever let my own heart lose to any darkness as long as I have her in my life. And I won't ever let her heart fall into darkness as long as I am here to protect her. I'm in love with her, and I can never let her soul lose that light of hope it has, shining out so beautifully. I would even fight myself to protect her from despair. I am a foolish man, and I make foolish mistakes, but I will never let my foolishness destroy what we have; an amazing, loving, and truelly meant to be, relationship.

That's great and all, but it doesn't change a thing I said. Those with problems that they can not work out are bound for destruction. So it's just a matter of working things out, which you guys seem to be able to do, which means that the quoted text above does not apply.

Please understand that I'm not trying to be an asshole. I'm not trying to question your relationships. I'm simply making observations based on my experiences in the hopes that you guys will be able to get something useful from them.

I'll just piss off now before I get anyone else pissed at me. I should have just kept my mouth shut from the start...